Marriage contract legislation
by WoomyWobble
Summary: Hermione Granger has had enough!


"Dad?"

"Yes honey?"

"Can I borrow grandpa's shotgun? It's for science reasons"

"Sure pumpkin. The cartridges are in the cupboard."

"Thanks daddy!"

xxx

Hermione Granger has had enough. The imbecilic wizarding government went to far this time! Some inbred, simpleton, shitstain, horseshit peddler in the wizengamot thought it was a good idea to force muggleborn girls into marriage contracts. At the age of 12!

No, enough was enough.

Gingerly she went to work. The weapon needed to be modified of course. But she was the brightest witch of her age and so she was up to the task. Eagerly she started drawing out schematics.

The double barreled weapon would have a permanent geminio charm etched in the chamber ensuring infinite ammo with a fire rate as quick as her finger. This will produce a massive amount of heat though so a cooling charm needed to be etched on the barrels. Recoil and weight also needed to be dealt with. Lastly the regular buckshot cartridges just didn't pack enough oomphe. After long deliberation she decided to enchant the cartridges with cutting charms for maximum penetration.

She did so like the irony.

After testing the weapon in the backyard she found it to be adequate to her needs. It was time for the final preparations.

"Mum? Can I borrow your lipstick?"

"Sure dear. Has a nice boy caught your eye?"

"He sure did mum!"

"That's lovely dear."

When Hermione sat down in front of her mothers vanity mirror she started applying her war paint. Two dark red streaks on each of her cheekbones and that was enough. And yet there was something missing.

She started looking around the room and her eyes fell on one of her dad's ties. A bright red one. It would do. She tied it around her forehead so her hair wouldn't obscure her eyes. She was ready.

"Mom I'm going out. I'm gonna overthrow the evil wizarding government! I'll be home late!"

"Have fun with your new friends dear! Do you want me to leave dinner in the fridge?"

"Yes please!"

xxx

The floo deposited Hermione in the atrium. On her chest she wore a shiny badge that said 'asskicker.' She was carrying an lengthy package wrapped in cloth. Placing the package under her arm she went to talk to the young lad at the reception area.

"Excuse me could you direct me towards the wizengamot chamber? One of the lords requested this package."

"Of course. Just ride that elevator over there all the way to the down. And it'll be the last room at the end of the hall."

"Thank you." she smiled at him turned around and skipped her way towards the elevator.

"What an oddly dressed little girl."

xxx

"And in short I would just like to add that fruit should not be exempt from taxation during the-"

Lord Malfoy was interrupted from finishing his sentence by a soft but insistent knocking at the door.

"I wonder who that could be. Mr Nott? Be dear and open the door would you?"

"Of course sir."

When Mr. Nott opened the door he saw a young girl holding a strange device.

"I've got a message for the wizengamot from the muggleborn population."

He laughed a little."Yeah? Let's hear it?"

Hermione pulled the trigger blowing a large gaping hole where his heart used to be. Large meaty chunks of Mr' Nott sprayed over the wizengamott's floor.

First there was a beat of silence as Mr'Nott collapsed. Then pandemonium.

People flung their papers in the air as they panicked trying to hide behind stately looking tables, spells where flying every which way and Hermione just kept pumping lead into anyone who came close.

BOOM BOOM BOOM. With every pull of the trigger the wizarding world became a little less pure.

After only ten seconds of carnage the wizengamot was no more. There was only the sound of death rattles of the slowly dying and the whimpering of a coward in hiding.

Hermione followed her ears and found the wretched creature with his wand arm amputated.

"...Why?" He asked with tears streaking down his cheeks.

Covered in blood and gore Hermione raised her shotgun and pointed it right between his eyes.

"Freedom." She replied, and blew his head of.

xxx

"Mum I'm home!"

"Hermione can you come here for a second? We need to discuss something with you."

Hermione entered the kitchen to find her parents dressed in big fluffy bunny suits at the dinner table holding hands.

"Hermione... This isn't easy for us to admit... Hermione... Your parents... That is to say your father and I... We're furries Hermione. We have been for a long time and we would like it if you could respect our life choices."

"W-what? What do you mean?"

"We like to cuddle with strangers in our bunny suits Hermione. It's not weird."

"Bu-bu- but. Why? How? ...Who? What?"

After a moment of silence Hermione's parents started laughing.

"O my god! You should see the look on your face! It's absolutely priceless! O dear, O dear. I can't believe we got you this good. Especially after your own little prank."

Mum pointed at the calender. "Happy april fools day Hermione." Kissed her on her blood encrusted brow, and walked of.

Hermione blinked.


End file.
